Baby Jesus

Wesley and I watched a "Little House on the Praire" episode a few weeks ago and it was about Christmas. Pa told little Cary that Christmas was about Jesus being born and eventually dieing for our sins. At the very end of the show Cary buys Jesus a star for the top of the tree and says with a smile, "Happy birthday Baby Jesus!" I looked at Wesley and said that you would never watch a show in 2009 about Baby Jesus being born and dieing for our sins. But He did...

"Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!" Thank you for all that you've done for us and will do.

Good Intentions

A while ago I said I was going to blog everyday. It lasted a while. I had good intentions...but the busyness of the holiday's sucked me right in.

So, maybe I'll write great blogs everyday someday. For now...I'm going to have to be the inconsistent blogger...

I think I can live with that.

Yesterday

Yesterday…
Yesterday I tried not to complain…
Yesterday I got upset…
Yesterday I felt tired and weary…
Yesterday I wrote a new song…
Yesterday I chatted with friends…from Texas.

Yesterday I went to bed and thought too much…

The Closet

There once was a woman who complained all the time.
She was not that much fun to be around.

She would complain about this, or complain about that,
and her eyes would roll, roll, roll around.

She complained so much one day her head turned quite blue,
the people listening were afraid and didn't know what to do.

So they pushed her into a closet and shut the door hard,
and the woman complained that they pushed her to far.

She fell, fell, fell through the floor of the closet,
and landed on what she thought was grass.

But she opened her eyes and began to panic,
For she then realized where she was at.

She was surrouned by beady eyes and inquistive faces,
there was a dull melody that played all around.

Yes, this was the place she would dream about nightly,
it was the very place she feared the most of all.

"Oh, how I wish I was back with the others,
I do wish I hadn't complained."

And she chuckled out loud at her frantic statement,
for the place she once hated was never to blame.

The Large Man

There once was a large man, but he didn't know that he was large. Everyday he would stroll through the great forest whistling his favorite tune. It helped him to think, strolling through the forest and whistling. Today he was thinking about Molly and how pretty she was and how he wished she would smile at him and accompany him to the Fall Town Festival. As he strolled through the forest thinking on these things and whistling he noticed something was stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Why, it was the most peculiar thing he'd seen in a while...a mushroom with purple dots...and it smelled like scones.

The Tiny Man

Once upon a time, in a land far, far way there lived a tiny man. He didn't know he was tiny though. He lived in a mushroom house covered in purple dots. He drank tea at 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon everday and he always made fresh scones to go with his afternoon tea. One day this tiny man decided he was lonely and wished that he had a friend to drink his tea with. One day his wish came true...he received a visitor. But all the tiny man could say was, "Oh my", before he saw a giant foot coming through his tiny window.

Romeo and Juliet II

Grandma didn't want to watch Romeo and Juliet. She was afraid they would die while I was away and the responsiblity was too great. "It will be fine", I comforted Grandma and convinced her to take on the task. At first she loved it. Everyday Romeo would swim up to Grandma and smile at her. He was a very friendly fish. Grandma grew extremely fond of him and of Juliet. Although, Romeo did hog all the food and he ate like a pig. Grandma felt a little bad for Juliet who seemed so small compared to Romeo. But little did she know.

About a day before Wesley and I arrived home the thing Grandma feared the most happened. Romeo died...

It was a sad day...

But even this was not the end of the story...

Easy Peasy

I've eaten at Taco Bell two days in a row. I don't know if this was a good idea, but it sure did taste good and it was super convenient. That should count for something, right? One could say that eating fast food two days in a row is a sign that one's life is getting too busy. Why does junk food have to be so fast, cheap, and tempting? Grrr...

Glasses

So…I’ve been slacking on my blog…

Not on purpose by any means, it’s just been slipping my mind. I did go to the eye doctor this morning. I was very brave. I endured the horrible “puff” in the eyeball and only flinched a little. The girl that was running the machine said I did a good job not jumping and banging my head against the machine. I took that as a good sign. I was asked numerous times, “How does this look? Can you see it now? Is one or two better? Is two or three better? Is two or one better?” It was hard work but I prevailed. My doctor said that I am “significantly worse than my last visit.” Hmmm. At least it wasn’t a visit to test my blood pressure.

So, needless to say…I’m getting new lenses that are stronger! Now I will be able to see. Yaye!

Unseen

I felt Lonely today. I know I’m not alone, but I just felt alone. I was going through one of those I’m-feeling-really-sorry-for-myself-and-I-know-I-shouldn’t-but-i-just-am days. I’m sure we all have those. At least, I’m telling myself we all have those days.

There are so many things my heart feels that are unseen to others. I have thoughts, disappointments, and heart aches that can be at times indescribable. It’s not that I’m against trying to share them. I have an amazing husband, friends, and family that I can talk to and get comfort from, who pray for me and encourage me and just brighten my day. But there are still those times that I know the only one who truly understands me is Jesus. Jesus gives me strength, not because He gives me what I want, but He gives me strength because I know simply that He understands me. He always gets me.

So yes, I felt lonely and sorry for myself today, but I think it was okay. And more than anything I have a Savior who isn’t rolling His eyes at me for feeling down. Instead, He’s squeezing my shoulder and whispering, “I know,” and that somehow makes everything bearable.

Romeo and Juliet

I think it’s funny…how we have fish as pets. Do we just like to look at them? Do we like to feed them? Do we like to watch them swim round and round trapped in a tiny little bowl? They are not cuddly, fuzzy, or adorable in any way. I used to have two gold fish and I would talk to them often. I totally convinced myself that they loved me and that they looked forward to seeing me and hearing my voice...

They died tragically...

But that’s another story…

Priorities

Eeek! I forgot to blog yesterday! I thought about it when my head hit the pillow at about 10:15 p.m. It was a sad moment. I felt a twinge of guilt and failure…and for a second I thought about getting up and writing something really fast. But…my guilt and failure faded about as fast as it came and I went to sleep instead.

Hey…sleep is really important! I can survive on failure but if I don’t get eight hours of sleep it’s really, really not a happy day. One word…”priorities”.

Sequins and Hardware

Michelle Quan and I are best friends. One year I went to watch her skate and she waved at me. I saw her through my mom’s binoculars and I knew that wave was meant for me, because we’re best friends. Okay, maybe we’re not quite best friends, but I’m sure if she knew me she would want to be best friends.

Last Saturday my mom, Wesley and I went to a figure skating regional competition in Medford. (Wesley was a real trooper, especially since we were there for about ten hours. He really is the best husband in the world. We did however have to walk around a nearby tool store for about an hour to counteract all of the sequins and twirling. The store was pretty interesting though and my mom and I did find some really cool clamps that are perfect for sealing chip bags!)

We actually did see some great skaters who might even make it to the 2010 Olympics. Then we can watch them on TV and know deep down in our hearts that when they wave to the camera, they are really waving at us.

I hope Michelle doesn’t get jealous.

Umm...yeah

La la la la. My mind is fuzzy right now and I can’t think of anything interesting to write about today. But I have to write something because this blog is part of a goal that I set for myself and so I have to stick to it or I will be a total failure (dramatic I know). I’m sure no one will mind if I just put down la la la la. I doubt my blog is really that insightful even when I have something more intriguing to say than "la la la la." At least it’s Friday!

eyeball dilema

I’m squinting…a lot. I really don’t want to have to wear glasses ALL the time. I have reading glasses that I wear on occasion. I’m not very good at wearing them when I should because they are not that strong of a prescription so I can get away with it. Lately even wearing those hasn't been preventing me from squinting. I think the time has come for me to bite the bullet and get stronger glasses or contacts. I never thought I’d have to be one of those people who have to stick a weird piece of plastic in their eye every day. What if my eye rejects it and spits it out and then I have to go on hands and knees crawling around looking for it like I’ve seen so many people do?

I guess I’ll just have to be brave and conclude that it’s more important to see then it is to worry about sticking my finger into my eyeball every morning. I can do this.

Lunch Today

I met Wesley home for lunch today. We ate leftover spaghetti out of the same bowl and shared a Peach Fresca. We talked about our mornings and about random things that I don’t even remember now. We split some candy from a box of chocolates he brought back for me from Denmark. We then walked up our street and down again discussing our neighbor’s yards and how much work our yard still needs. When we got back home Wesley escorted me to the car, opened my door for me and kissed me while sticking his head through the not-so-large opening of the car window. I made a sad face because I didn’t want him to go.

It was a good lunch.

Stuffed

It must be fall. The weather is getting cooler and everyone is jumping into “I need to bake something” mode. Our refrigerator at work has about every kind of bread-like-substance that you can possibly think of. It’s literally crammed. But…it’s delicious! I guess I better try and burn more calories or something. Why does everything in life seem to be bitter-sweet?

Baked Amish Bread

I forgot to tell about my Amish Bread baking experience! I squished the bag for ten days, added ingredients when I was supposed to, divided it into four more baggies to pass out to three lucky individuals and keep one for myself, and baked two loaves of Amazing Amish Bread!!! It was so delicious! It really did change my life! Wesley absolutely loved it as well and we will never be the same again. We're actually thinking about becoming Amish now.

Sunday Snuggles

We just got back from grocery shopping, which is never a fun thing to do on a weekend. We opted out of going to Walmart because we didn't feel like elbowing our way through the store to get to the milk which is located two miles from the entrance in the back corner of the store. We went to Albertsons instead and got everything we couldn't live without until we can make it to Walmart on a less insane day. (Hey...I didn't say we didn't shop there, we just chose not to today. Okay? Yeah...I knew what you were thinking.) Ahhh...Walmart, can't live with her and can't force yourself to pay twice as much somewhere else even though you really, really want to. What's a person to do?

Now Wesley and I are safely at home relaxing on our big mocha couches enjoying our quiet Sunday afternoon together. It's nice to be home all snuggly and cozy while the weather changes to a crisp chill outside. Mmmm...I just want to squish something right now, like that little white bear that sells laundry detergent. I love feeling all fuzzy inside.

Relief

When I awakened this morning there was a familiar presence beside me...

I smiled and breathed a deep breath.

My Wesley is home again.

Eeeeeeee!!!!

Wesley Poo comes home in 7.5 hours!!! Eeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

Moments

When I think back to all the times in my life, the good and the bad, it's sweet to know that someone was there sharing all of those memories with me. There isn't one single moment in my life where I was alone. I have someone who I can say, "Do you remember that time when...?" and He can remember because He was there for it all. One of the best things in life is to have that close person whom you can share all your memories with, and to have someone who was there for you through thick and thin. It truly amazes me to know that I have never, ever been alone.

So, to the One that has always been my side and Who has shared all of my memories with me...thank you. You are my Lifeline, my Inspiration, my Comfort, my Conscience, my Father, and my very Best Friend. My Jesus.

Random Things

I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow. I used to have this teacher in elementary school that if you asked, “Did you get a haircut?” He would respond, “Nope…but I did get all of my hairs cut!” For some reason him saying this has always stuck with me. That’s really the only thing I remember about this man. Weird how certain things stay with you…random things. Why do we remember certain acts of history and not others? The ones we remember must have made some substantial impact on us…but a remark about a haircut? Strange.

I digress. I’m getting a haircut tomorrow and I’m really hoping it’s going to be amazing! I try not to get my hopes up too high…but I always do even if subconsciously. We will find out if tomorrow ends up being a good day or a bad day. Although…Wesley Poo is coming home tomorrow night so either way it’s going to be an AMAZING day, even if my hair ends up being a nightmare. Oh, please…don’t let it be a nightmare.

Caffeine Free

I woke up this morning to the gentle sound of rain falling on our roof. I buried my head deep into my pillow and groaned, “I don’t want to get up.” My body felt like lead and my covers were way more inviting than the prospect of a cold bathroom floor. I eventually rolled to the edge of the mattress and forced myself to throw one leg over as I lay there for more strength to throw the other one in the same direction. Ugh. This has to be way harder than competing in the Iron Man, I just know it.

I finally managed to get all the way out of bed, get ready, spend quality time with God, and actually eat breakfast. AND…I did all of this without one ounce of caffeine. I amaze myself at times, I really do.

Friends, Family, and Lots of Shopping

Well, I’ve survived the weekend without my Wesley. It hasn’t been easy though. I talked to him on the phone twice yesterday, which helped fill my Wesley size hole. Only three more nights to go…

On Saturday my mom kept me company while we literaly shopped-till-we-dropped. Mom is basically a marathon shopper…very hard core. She doesn’t really buy very much she just likes to look…at EVERYTHING. We went to clothes stores, to Costco, to home improvement stores, to large department stores. We did it all until my legs were about to fall off and I was pleading for water and rest. Shopping with Mom is not for the faint of heart.

My friend Allison kept me company last night which was so sweet of her! We chatted while nestled up on my comfy couches and ate Snicker’s ice cream with crunchy peanut butter on top. Ice Cream, family and friends definitely help to alleviate the lack of Wesley Poo.

So…my Wesley free journey continues for three and a half more days. Will I make it? Only the Lord knows…but I’m pretty sure with the help of good people and God I will overcome.

And God said, "You shall become one"

I always heard growing up how much work marriage is, "it's hard...it takes lots of communication...lots of patience...lots of sacrifice". But there is one challenge of marriage that far outweighs anything else that no one ever emphasized to me.

The hardest part about being married is loving someone so much that you know deep down in your soul how heartbreaking it would be to ever lose that person. No one ever told me that when you say "I do" it's one of the riskiest leaps of faith to take, not because of the commitment or even the loss of independence. But when you become "one" with your spouse the inevitable is that one day (even if that day is years to come) someone will be left a "half" person. Not that one cannot be made whole again through the help of Christ, but the healing that comes from the death of a spouse is a long and difficult road for anyone at any age to endure.

So, for now, I would say that marriage is one of the most challenging things in life, but not because of the frequent marital "hardships" that we normally hear and read about. You see, to willingly give half of your heart away to someone else you also have to be willing to lose it.

Denmark

Wesley leaves for his Denmark work trip tomorrow morning. I’ve turned into one of those annoying wives that moan and complain about their husband not being home for a week. I was single for 28 years! You think I would be able to handle a week alone and not turn into a sobbing lunatic. I guess that’s what love does to you…makes you all weird in the head.

Luckily I have some great friends who have graciously offered to babysit me while my Wesley is away. Thank you Allison and Marci! I think I might survive this experience with the help of my friends, family, and of course…ice cream.

Amish Bread

“Do you want a zip lock baggie full of Amish bread stuff that you squeeze for ten days?” asked Keith as he strolled through the office.

“Huh?” I asked thinking I was most certain to never have heard that question before in my life.

“My wife wants to know if you want a starter for Amish Friendship Bread that you have to let ferment for ten days. Then you mix more ingredients with it and bake it and eat it! It’s really good.”

So…I said what any sensible girl would say, “sure!”

Now I have a zip lock bag full of starter goodness. I’m actually quite excited about this new adventure I’m embarking on…and even more excited that I get to eat it in the end! What could be better than a ten day goal that you get to eat? Not much I would say. Bon appetite!

Goal...Day One

So…I’ve decided to set a small goal for myself…I’m going to try and blog every work day. I need a new purpose, a new hobby…even if it’s as small as blogging. I realized this a few days ago and have been rolling ideas in my head ever since. I’ll get to work a little early, or stay a little late and blog away! I don’t have internet at home so weekends are out unless I get to a computer. I know…we live in the dark ages or something like that. We don’t have a TV either. Call the weirdo patrol! But, we actually love not having a TV. It’s very liberating. You should try it!

So this is day one of my new goal/hobby. Hope all my faithful readers enjoy this new obsession of mine…all faithful twelve or so readers that is…but hey, it’s something. (Thank you, reader!)

Stay tune for more exciting news tomorrow. I’m sure it will change your life.

A Glorious Year

I've been married a whole year! Well, on Saturday it will be a whole year! It's been so much fun! I love being married! I have the best husband in the world. He's smart, handsome, funny, brave, strong, passionate, LOVES JESUS, and is just pretty darn amazing!

Happy Anniversary Wesley Poo!!! It's been great! I can't wait for the next 70 years! So many adventures ahead to look foward to. I love you Wesley!

my questions

It amazes me how I can go through life and think I’m much more mature than I thought I was. Something happens…something gets triggered…and I feel a surge of pain in my heart from wounds of old. “I’m not over that one?” I ask myself. I suppose I still have a lot to work on.

It amazes me how patient God is. He allows me to pout. He allows me to question. He allows me to bury my head in his broad chest and ask, “Daddy, can you hold me and tell me I’m okay and that I’m loved?”

It amazes me that after all these years I still don’t understand the depth of God’s love for me.

It amazes me that I still question and wonder if God loves me as much as He says He does.

It amazes me that God is okay with my questions.

Road Trip...woo hoo

So, I’m leaving for Seattle on Friday. And no, Wesley Poo is not coming with me. I know! This is the first time we will be apart for this long. I made him promise to plan out his entire weekend so that I won’t worry about him being alone. He has done a great job. He’s pretty much crammed full of weekend activity! Way to go Wesley Poo!

So, I get to visit my Smeagel and stay with Deanna! It’s going to be a great weekend of girl fun! I can’t wait! I have the best friends ever!

On that note, Mindy Loo moved to Texas on Sunday. Oh, how I miss my friends who moved to Texas so far away from me! My Ashley Nay, Jordan, and now Mindy Loo…so far away. I have little pieces of my heart all over the country. I hope you are doing well in Texas Mindy! I will come visit my Texas peeps soon!

I am, of course, lucky to still have WONDERFUL friends here in good ol Grants Pass. Oh, how I am blessed with amazing friendships, Husband, and family! Eeee! So blessed!

So, bid me farewell while I travel to my Northern friends for the weekend. Say a little prayer for my Wesley Poo and may your life be as blessed as mine with great friendships and an amazing Lord who lavishes me with such.

Toodles for now!

Kindness to Monday

This morning was one of "those mornings". I can blame it on the fact that it was a Monday morning, but what did Monday really ever do to me? It's not Monday's fault that it's the day after a glorious, work free weekend. I feel as though Monday really gets a bad rap...and I have to admit I have jumped on this band wagon quite often.

I wonder if some people feel like a Monday.

For all those people out there...sorry. It's not your fault your a Monday; you're just doing your job the best you know how. May a little kindess and appreciation roll your way. May you wake up tomorrow and feel just like a...

Friday.

expectations...not good

I have a friend that always says, "We all need to learn how to get along here on earth because we'll be stuck in heaven together for a long time."

I've realized that so many times I've allowed myself to get caught up in how others treat me rather than how I treat them. I allow people I care about to determine what mood I will be in for that day. This isn't right. Where is my foundation laid? If it's on a rock than I won't be easily shaken.

I'm not saying it's easy! When someone I love ignores me or forgets to remember me, it hurts. But if I'm to live in joy and peace I need to set my focus and my feelings on something...on Someone who will never dissapoint me.

Lord, forgive me for my expectations of how others should treat me. Help me to remember to treat them with love and kindness and let go of the rest. I can only control my actions, I can never control the actions of others. But thank you for those unexpected treats when someone I love showers me with kindness and affection. Those unexpected times come in like a sweet river...refreshing my soul.

p.s. Oh, and Wesley Poo, you always make me feel special. I'm not sure how you do it, but you do.

Boys and Girls

So, yesterday Wesley and I were taking a walk and we found ourselves strolling across the foot bridge by the All Sports park.

A couple of boys...friends...dashed by us on their bikes shouting some profanities and laughing with eachother about whatever boys laugh about. It was quite loud and a bit obnoxious to be blunt. Boys will be boys, right? I guess.

Then, right after them two young ladies about the same age passed us on their bikes. We overheard one of the blonde girls say to her friend, "Kelly, who am I?" Kelly responded, "You're my best friend." And they both giggled with contentment.

Then I had a thought:

"I'm so glad I'm a girl".

Already?

I just realized today that we are moving next week! What happened to the time? Our very first home! It's quite exciting...but...next week??? Aaahhh! We have to pack, clean, move, arrange, do...stuff! Lots and lots of stuff!

I need chocolate.

good

It's good to let go.

It's good to see other's prosper and actually be happy for them.

It's good to let God refine you...mold you...strip you bare.

It's good to have God on your side and to know...to know that He is more than enough.

It's good...to just...be.

More Like Him

Sometimes things rise up to the surface that you thought you had dealt with…pains, fears, faults…they bounce up and greet you with an odd familiarity. You try to push them down but they bounce up none the less. You pray for God to come and and take these little torments away. You don’t want to deal with them. The Lord answers by allowing more of these little annoyances to bounce up from the depths. “Do these all belong to me?” you ask. The Lord holds on tight and tells you He is there to help you change. He doesn’t allow the pains, fears, and faults to sink, He allows them to rise. He asks you to face them and to learn how to deal with them. He asks you to surrender and to become more like Him.

First Love

With all that's going on in the world right now I keep coming back to the same basic truth. Jesus. Our country is standing on the edge of a sword. Yet, with all of the struggles we are facing financially as a nation there is still more at stake.

May the church rise up out of it's slumber and raise a voice that is louder than the voice of the enemy. Our Lord is yearning for us to turn back to Him with a burning passion. If we are lukewarm He will vomit us out of His mouth. Like a groom longs for the desire of his bride, so does our Lord long for our desire to be for Him. May we return to our first love and never look back.

Detour

The old lady creeped along the street. She stopped and pulled out a handkerchief. Only the elderly still see the significance of tissue you don't discard after each use. She blew her nose and stuffed the material back in her purse. She began to creep again. A young man dashed by on his skate board and she acted as though she did not even notice. He was too fast for her slow eyes. She crept some more. What was her destination? I think it was heaven, she was just taking a slight detour down these dirty old streets.

Yaye!

Yaye for Friday...yaye for sunshine...yaye for ice cream! Which reminds me, I had ice cream for dinner last night and I think I might have it for dinner tonight as well. It's just so yummy! And, if I eat it for dinner I don't have to feel as guilty eating an entire dinner PLUS ice cream for dessert. It just makes sense. So...yaye for Friday and ice cream and everything delicious and wonderful!

Official Ice Cream Day

Today is one of those days where I could really use a huge bowl of ice cream with peanut butter on top and only get up off the couch to go to the rest room or...to get more ice cream. Why can't we call into work for "ice cream days". I pick up the phone and tell my boss, "Hey, it's me. It's an ice cream day." Then my boss would say, "Oh, I understand. You get some rest."
This should defintely go into our employee handbook.